Forever in our Heart

C. JinadattaRaya

C.Jinadatta Raya aka C.J.Raya is my sweet Grandpa. It seems, that I opened my eyes as soon as I was born, and that he was the first one to kiss them.

This man, had 3 kids, and 4 grand kids, including me. His love for his grandchildren was too much. He looked after us as if we were his own kids. My brother and my 2 cousins got to see Circus and were able to visit parks because of him. He was the one who taught them Lagori, Marbles, Gilli Dandu, Cricket and all the games. 

As I was born way, way after them and as I am the only Grand Daughter he has, his love for me was much more. I was his little angel :) <3. Everyday, he used to take me on a ride on his vehicle. When I was 3, I got a tricycle, and he used to run behind me, everywhere I went, making sure I was safe. He used to daily drop me to school. And he even took me out wherever I wanted. After his retirement, dropping me and picking me up became his job. 

When I was a little girl, being with my grandparents was heaven. But as I started growing up, everything started to fall apart. As they were of older generation they never accepted anything I did, and it used to make me angry. I did what I wanted, nevertheless, but still I used to fight with them and hurt them. I always felt bad for doing that because, they didn't know about the world know, I should have told them calmly just the way they had taught me life. But I never did :(.

No matter what happened, there was a strong bond between me and my grandpa. We fought like hell and everything, but this unspoken bond was always there. It all started the day, we both PLANTED a Tulasi Plant in a pot. He had held my hand and made me dig the mud, then made me keep the plant and close the mud. Then he made sure I watered it. Everyday, I used to water plants with him. That's how our bond grew. With nature.

Soon, one POT in our home, turned to a full Garden, not only in front but in the backyard as well. We used to plant them together and water them daily, and silently watch them grow. Even when we were angry with each other, we did this, and we understood each other through the silence.

This is how I came to love nature. Whenever I was sad, I just climb up to my house side terrace, and sit there as long as I want. All the trees in my house bend over there and sitting there is like sitting in the midst of nature. Its a very blissful place.

Anyway, Nature was the one which kept the bond between us. Even though we never told it to each other, We loved each other like anything. My grandpa was just an ordinary man, yet he is an inspiration for many.

Even at the age of 85, he used to ride his vehicle and go to market to get stuff for home. He never allowed anyone else to do. Whenever someone pointed it out he would just say, "They are too young. Moreover, Its my job, and I don't like asking for help".

It was his policy. Whatever work there was, no matter how difficult, if it was HIS JOB, HE HIMSELF has to do it. He would never ask or take another person's help. He never even told someone to do something, which he himself could have done. He believed in WORK IS WORSHIP.

One another best thing in him was that, He never asked anyone for money. He would starve forever rather than asking someone. Even though he didn't study much, he worked hard, saved money, and constructed a new house, the house where I live in, the house I call my home.

Whatever money he had, he was content with that. Even though his salary was less, he managed the whole house hold activity. He had even given some money to his wife saying, when I die, use this money to make all the further things. I have never been in another man's debt and I never want to. Even when I die.

He has seen the whole of India, and have even been to all the places of the world except US and UK. It was dream to visit US and see everything over there. My cousin had even told him that he would make sure that he took both my grandpa and grandma there within another 6 months.

He had only one DREAM, and that was to see me SETTLED. He wanted to see me standing on my own legs, totally independent, head held high. He was really eager to see my 12th board results. No matter how good or bad the results might have come out, he would have been proud of me. He is the only one who understood my DREAM.

Everyone in my house was against me when I said I wanted to take up animation right after 10th. But my grandpa took my side. He made very valid points, but alas it was all left to my parents and they said, "No animation till you degree is over". While I suffered in silence, my grandpa collected all the flyers, brochures, and the made some cuttings in paper, all related to animation. He kept them all in a file, and used to show it to me. He used to sit and talk to me, asking me which I think was the best of them and which I should join.

My parents never knew about this, till date they don't. It was something secret that me and my grandpa had. Another special bond. He would do anything to see me happy. And I just love him for that.

My only regret is that, I wasn't with you during the last few moments of your life :'(. Everyone keeps telling me how you had asked of me :(. How you had asked of your Pooji :'( </3. He has asked, "Where is my Pooji? I want to see her", and before someone could call me and tell me that you wanted to see me, you left us all :'(.

Why grandpa? :( Why did you have to leave so soon? :'(. Why did you leave your Pooji alone? :( 

You were so eager to see my results, and just a week before it, you had to leave? :(.

Now whom will I go show my results? Whom will I run to with a big smile on my face and give a hug?

Who will write down all my MARKS, and show it to EACH AND EVERY PERSON that came to our house, saying My Granddaughter scored this much? :(

I still remember the last thing I ever told you. It was when I was taking you to the hospital and you were not able to walk. I took hold of your hand, looked into your eyes and had asked, "You have become so weak Tata. What happened to my Strong Man?" And you, you had just given me your beautiful smile and patted my head <3 :) :(.

I miss you gramp :(, and I need you :'(. Its been 2 days without you and every morning I wake up hoping to see you sitting on the Sofa, waiting for me to wake up, and to tell me that it was all a bad dream :(. But you are never here :'(. Are you never going to come back? :( Will I never be able to see you again? :( Will I never be able to listen to your voice? :'(

Today I tried something. I climbed the terrace and sat there among the trees, waiting to feel your presence.

I might have felt it, if I had stayed there. But I couldn't. Seeing all those trees brought back the memories of me and you planting them together, of you holding my hand and it hurt me :(. I wanted to be with you :( and I came back down.

Being with nature is the only way I can be with you now, but its hurting me to go there Gramp :(. Please gramp give me some of your strength, otherwise the plants we both looked after will leave this world, just like you :( and I can't lose it too :'(. Please be with me Gramp. Even though you aren't here, I want to feel as if you are here. Please just be with me Gramp :( Or I would crash and burn :'(. You are my strength <3. 

I'm sorry I never told this before :( but I LOVE YOU Gramp <3 A lot :). And I miss you :(. I wish you were here <3 :(. May You Rest In Peace <3 :). And I hope you are having a great next adventure :) :* <3.

RIP TATA :(. I love you <3